I didn’t even notice that he was black. It genuinely didn’t cross my mind. That’s not how I saw him. I saw him for what he was — a threat. Of course I know how it looks from the outside. When you are unaware of what I know the entire incident seems black and white, if you’ll pardon the expression. They now say I’m a racist and I accept that. I’m unsure what would happen should my true reason for … Continue reading →

When I was a kid I was a kid. That may seem tautologous, but I can also equally say that when I was a kid I wasn’t a kid. These two statements are separated by a line – a metaphorical one, like a point on a number line. Though this number line would be one of dates. A date line, if you will. A point on a date line. A date. April 1st 1995. That’s when I stopped being a … Continue reading →

This is the most agreed upon and scientifically correct hot scale ever recorded. The scale ascends from 6-1 with only a few simple rules: Never rate a girl to her face. You can’t rate celebrities. You do not talk about Fight Club.

I was using Microsoft’s super fantastic instant messaging client, Windows Live Messenger, earlier on this evening. In particular, I was having a discussion with one Alan McGovern, regarding how great he claims to be. However, I know Alan well and I know when he’s lying (you’ll soon know how I knew). I then realised that the drivel he was spouting off to me was not something that he would only let me in on. He was obviously spreading these filthy … Continue reading →

Kevin Chegger was a normal man – well, as normal as any man gets. He went to college and studied commerce. He had a well paying job and a wonderful wife named Betty. She was pregnant with his son, who was to be born a month from when this story begins. The only thing that was in any way strange about Kevin Chegger was that he had never had a drink – not even a drop of alcohol. He had … Continue reading →

“Out, damned spot; out I say. One, two, – why, then ‘tis time to do’t. Hell is murky.” “Oh shut up, you silly cow!” I muttered. As I lay in the bath listening to that vacuous fool rehearse her Lady Macbeth I thought about why I hadn’t moved elsewhere. If I wasn’t listening to her pick her way painfully through Shakespeare, I was waiting for her to finish on the phone or in the bathroom. If I had a penny … Continue reading →

Terry the barman stood behind his mighty bar filling the dishwasher with glasses. A man walked into the pub. His name was Edward. Edward approached the bar. Terry finished putting the dirty glasses into their cleaning machine and acknowledged Edward’s presence. “Can I get a pint of Heineken, please?” Edward asked. Terry nodded and grabbed a clean pint glass. He put it under the Heineken tap and pulled the lever to begin the flow of lager. Terry stared off towards … Continue reading →

Over 2,500 linguists and English language specialists from around the world gathered this week to decide if the letter Y is a vowel, a consonant or both. The letter has hovered in character limbo for years and linguists finally want to set in stone its status. Oxford professor Jeremy Langdon attended the conference. “We had to decide once and for all what exactly Y was. Teachers across the globe have been giving conflicting answers over the years as to whether … Continue reading →

“Discuss the notion that cognitive heuristics are useful tools for making judgements under conditions of uncertainty.” Cognitive heuristics are simple and effective rules of thumb for people to make decisions involving complex or incomplete information. These heuristics are useful tools in solving these problems but they can lead to systematic and harsh errors and cognitive biases. Heuristics are commonly used by people when they are trying to decide the outcome or probability of uncertain events, such as the spin of … Continue reading →

I, Larry Massoup, have spent many months researching in the gooiest, cheesiest depths of the world’s oldest library (located in Dayton, Ohio) to put together an account of the history of Pyramid Head, this solar system’s most feared being with a three-dimensional geometric object for a head. Childhood Not much is recorded, but we do know that his was not a normal birth. When he was born he had no hair on his head, not a strand. I mean, that’s … Continue reading →